How to deal with loss

Step 1: Do Nothing!

Then Breathe

Breathe like how a swan would in a quiet place

A quiet place.. Shhhhh

Now a quiet place is impossible inside my head that’s constantly running behind chaos. The chaos so complex like that of a spider web.

So what is my quiet place?

Step 2: Common now, Chin up, body straight and show that smile!

Smile?? (Sighs)

(Laugh’s) Now my smile is like that of a broken mirror that I wake up to because after you left it’s not only the mirror that is broken but so is my heart

 

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Step 3: Write some poetry

Poetry??

Well, poetry reminds me of moments of how we made love you,

and your delicate fingers scribbling them down in that cute little notepad I gifted you on our wedding day.

Step 4: Sleep through it

Umm… did you know my middle name is Insomniac?

I go inside our room and all I can ponder about is how warm it felt with you inside those sheets hugging me on a December morning. Or how it never mattered to you if my makeup was smudged (sighs), your scent is still entrapped in those sheets and makes me miss you more. So now it’s just me, coffee and of course, poetry.

Step 5: Let Go

I can’t. Because every time I try, you rush back into my chaotic, broken, Insomniac self and I see those eyes, those exact damn eyes that looked like my favorite hazelnut cappuccino from star bucks that you wake me up with.

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And proof…

You’re gone because I forgot that I wake up to a broken mirror and can’t find you next to me anymore to admire me when I am sleeping with my smudged makeup or enjoy my cappuccino with

So let me say it.

Step 6: Goodbye

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Don’t let anybody dictate terms to you

Inspirations comes from a lot of things and to be inspired does not mean it has to be extraordinary or of great matter it can be as as simple as exchanging smiles, breakout from the traditional definitions of being happy as it surely is much more than what we know of it to be and that is exactly what makes you go after your freedom and your passion. There are always going to be people to supress you and make you feel worthless of yourself however, the choice of ho giving in to the toxicity is still yours so learn to be strong when necessary and know that it is not right to undergo any force if you are not willing to do it.

We as individuals belonging to a plethora of a societies and communities have different set of morale and principles, the one constant philosophy that we must always keep is to voice yourself out when necessary. In my previous on Family Toxicity there were several things I discussed and one among them was to leave when you feel the bottle rising with shame, anger, frustration and let down of self-respect. You can find the link here

https://threadsofhopeblog.wordpress.com/2019/05/05/family-toxicity/

I am the one at the sail and the master of sea. 

These lines are the ultimate definition of standing up for yourself and learning to agree to disagreements in a very humane means. A strong person never says that this is unfair because there is always gonna people to put you down and walk over you so unless you learn to stop complaining and thinking Why Me you will never be able to be different than what you are and that’s when half of your battle is lost.

Fight, Fight and continue Fighting till you feel convinced of fighting for what you want. There is a fine line between adamant and will-power always find ally in the later. Being Stubborn for all he right reasons is a  very good attribute to carry along in the long run so don’t be ashamed of it and wear it on with pride and go Slay!

balance business cobblestone conceptual
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

We are always going to be having people who dictate terms to us and always finding ways to contradict and crush our opinions down, don’t let them do it get out from the innocent side of you and buckle up as its now or never and stand your feet tall and strong and speak up and debate over it until your voice is heard to every brick in the building.  What is the point of running after and making efforts towards something that is not what you wanted at all? Why do it so somebody else’s dream is achieved? What about yours, when are you ever going to go after it and find it?. Teenage crystal eyes is what you need at the moment, the clarity you lost because you chose to listen to people and family maybe and let your dreams down the drain.

It’s not actually too late, go after it and don’t stop until you get there consider everything that comes your way as a learning or even better an experience and continue forging ahead. Remember you are not born to fulfill what your parents want you to do or what your partner expects you to be off, that revolves around your personality. Your dreams are entirely yours to own and its the true purpose of your existence so don’t ever let it go for anybody.

underwater photography of woman
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

 

Message to take back

Never suffocate yourself with things that stop you from breathing,  and rather go after those that make you  feel alive stop, think, move.

Since we are not here for a long time we are here for the good time.

-Happy Reading

 

 

 

 

Family toxicity

If not for flesh and blood we wouldn’t be related to our family and that holds the bond of irrevocable love for each other to live and feel belonged because when you try understanding the purpose of your existence, sense of belonging is a very vital feature we have to be able to realize.

The Millenials are broad-minded and active but that does come with a lot of catch, this sanctuary called family is slowly depleting for a various set of reasons and somewhere down the line all of us are to be blamed. The concept of family is ancient, from joint family to nuclear family relationships have multiplied and there are new forms of it that we experience and are made to accept in the society.

All of us have come across, some heartwarming family movies, tv series and stories as well, the sanctuary on which family thrives on is that of Respect, Communication and trust and wherever this is absent consider it to be toxic.

Capture

We arrive into this world as innocents. Wide eyes and vulnerable. It is the job of our parents to nuture and protect us.”

-Klaus Michaelson (quoted from the Originals)

They say friends who betray are the biggest form of betrayal, well I’d like to differ, Family who betrays is indeed the greatest betrayal to even consider and bear in any existence of a living being. These are the mere pillars of reality when it comes to any family and to not being respected is as close as being treated as an abomination. Family Toxicity happens when parents start being selfish and there is surely some amount of it in every family in the current world. “Family Above all” may be all great to hear in the big screen, but when reality hits it hits hard especially with something like family its an insurmountable pain.

As individuals in society, we must understand our worth, and that it is not okay to be treated any less than another person. parents must stop considering raising children as though its some job, the task is hard undoubtedly but becoming selfish is going to make it hard for everybody. Privacy and understanding the emotional stature of the child is important even during times when the child has committed a mistake. Young Adults must be let to make their own choices as freedom isn’t something given or even asked for that matter, it shouldn’t be quantified or used as leverage, it’s not freedom then. This is an open note to everybody out there suffering.

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There is nothing more challenging than living in an environment with unexpressed frustration and it can cause severe psychological issues and family shouldn’t be the one from where the child develops it as its the first every socialization they receive and to make it toxic can flaw them beyond repair.

Things may seem hard right now with your family, it can be as simple as wanting a bike or as big as going after your dreams against your family, remember your mind is your only enemy so nurture it with the right kind of reinforcements. Never let your parents abuse you or threaten you in cases like that seek help because it’s always available. Undergoing suffering is not going to get you what you want or get you closer to your dreams, there is a great difference between Sacrifice and Cowardice. Nobody is kind enough to pick you up and give you the motivation to go after what you want, remember if you arent willing to take the risk then the blame is on. Quit waiting for Inspiration stories, motivational memes and articles to give you your driving force, Eat sleep and run for your dream and your passion stop at nothing and learn to channelise the anger through the right medium. 

BELIEVE. BECOME.

 

You don’t have to be stuck up in a family that doesn’t treat you well, learn to say no, learn to leave and learn to suffer. You will be mocked, hurt, criticized and traumatized and there will be days where you wished you shouldn’t have committed this, but its better than being held captive in the name of love and togetherness when its just blatant lies. We are made to believe that family is the only ticket to heaven, the bigger question is what kind of family is it? Adult children feel it more or less as a compulsion to stay in touch with their family even when it’s not safe around them and against their happiness. If a Parent fails its not the child’s fault if a child fails then its surely the parent’s selfish nature.

family Toxcity starts when children are considered to be an investment, and not as people but as things that can be punished, manipulated and controlled for the parents cardinal desires.

Rememeber its not okay to be stripped off your self-respect and made to feel worthless, or snatch your dreams away from you or abused physically, mentally or verbally. When that hapens learn to take a stand and say No and act if its necessary

It’s never too late, all you have to do is open that door to your dreams and self-respect, run to your dreams and ambitions that you dropped one day just because your family mocked about it, give it life make yourself feel alive again. Dust the self-doubt of your heart, fear of being unaccepted and just go after it and remember to leave if you have to.

-Happy Reading

 

Rusting emotions

In the midst of winter i found within me an invisible summer.
A summer that radiates my aura and makes me feel rejuvenated
Never ever look down upon yourself as you don’t know how many look up to you
In the middle of all this chaos I’ve learnt to invalidate, debate and create the newer

version of myself
Away from all this hassle
I hear a mellow hush
I hear the silent scream waiting to unleash itself to those who haven’t witnessed my other side.
The rage that restricts my innocent tears, shall empower the beast within me.
The beast who is cold hearted and lives in despair.
Despair,due to years of betrayal from the kin
The crimson running through my veins, flesh and skin
It’s corroding the soul filled with dream
Rusting and tearing slowly, into carcass
The carcass fades with time and turns into dust that the winds steals.
Poets are liars they say
Their lies shall glorify their hidden fights
Their sweaty palms and their absolute darkness
The darkness so raven that’s as mysterious as the black hole
So watch your step, not all of us will end up in heaven
for we’ve created hell beneath our feet
A kind of hell that’ll never surpass.
A hell where not even your carcass remains.

The Teacup story

Rain used to be the best memory I had of us
So calm and serene as it falls from the night sky.
I look at it like it’s my biggest nightmare now
Looking at it from my window grill with my favourite tea cup you bought for me on our anniversary

Whispering to myself, what changed?
A nightmare that dint scare me but made me feel that void I felt when you left.
Long gone are the beautiful days were you carried me with both your hands and we danced happily under the rain as childhood sweethearts deeply in love.
you promised me that the tea cup will taste as sweet as your lips every time I sip my morning drink.
Now it’s just bitter just like your broken promise of happily forever.
I look at the droplets fall and cause ripple effects as the lonely lamppost lightens the empty cold roads.
Whispering to myself, what changed?
Rain used to be the best memory I had of us
It will still be the best memory just that you won’t be a part of it anymore
Oh.. I forgot to tell you, the tea cup broke and atleast now I can let go of you
Goodbye Nightmare
Goodbye my lover

INSOMNIA

It’s just another night

it’s just another sleep

I close my eyes for my dreams to begin

Did I say dreams?

The one where there is my prince waiting

It’s just another night

it’s just another sleep

I close my eyes and the fear of responsibility begins

Did I say fear?

The one that merrily waked me up like a morning coffee?

Or the one that looks right through when you see yourself in the mirror?

Putting you through layers of the labyrinth for which you’ll never find your way out.

The fear consumes you;

As you burn from the inside

The smoke chokes you and silence paves its way in

Goodbyes forgot and Goodbyes told

A constant haunting that reminds you of who you are and of what have you become

it sends a chill up to your spine

The Nightmare gives you cold feet

and you wake up with hot drops of sweat gliding down your cheek

An hour of this night so dark and horrific

with no help to seek

Summoning the deepest and the darkest demons inside of you

Waiting to unleash a wrath

I suffer from Nightmares

so my dear friend

Don’t ask me to fight my way to sleep

Don’t tell me I am stupid

Don’t say that I am delusional,

Or that’s its all in my head

because I am an Insomniac

and it’s way more than the stereotypes you’ve heard about it.

So let me be and drink my coffee.

Happy Reading

Confessions of a coffee addict

Coffee is the most exotic invention of men and it’s a true celebration to relish on the different types of coffee flavours available. I am writing this as a sheer dedication to all the coffee lovers out there. Coffee has always inspired me in a lot of ways right from the perfect blend of milk and chicory till the bursting bubble, it reaches the brim of my early morning coffee mug is a sight to watch.

I am here to mainly talk about this best friend of mine that has always had my side, it never wants to let go of me and somewhere down the line, I grew up with it like as though it is a sibling. It lurked into my room from the gaps present between the floor and the door. It got into my body by giving me chills down my spine and told me it’s going to be a part of me for a long time.

It was because of this friend that I became a coffee addict and it kept me up and sane at the same time. The aroma coffee gives you helps your brain feel relaxed of course the caffeine is unhealthy but it can uplift your mood like anything. The different variety of coffee beans and their speciality is the worlds favourite, right from Arabian beans, California beans, Irish, Brazil and African seeds they have all had their uniqueness and has surely changed the lives of many including me.

Did you see that froth on the cup? Now imagine sipping this with the beach tides few meters away from and enjoying the skyline of your city. It feels like you’ve attained enlightenment right?

Only a coffee lover will know the true ecstasy of this and nothing can ever compensate the nostalgia it pushes you into and feel blessed about being alive and appreciate the existence life has offered us. The different difficulties life has in store for us is never going to go away so live when you can and enjoy the little things around you.

So, to sum it all up to the friend I was talking to you about is nobody but a mutual one, well not generalizing it but hopefully many would agree, and here I am introducing this friend of mine – Loneliness.

No, you don’t have to frown upon the word its not as bad as you think of it to be, its honestly in our hands as into how we have to treat this friend you can always keep it in the wardrobe shut and ignore it or have it moving around and try finding positivity out of it.

I appreciate writing a lot and through this blog having a forum to reach out to like-minded ones is a very positive and motivating option and its a sheer blessing indeed. The next prominent thing is being a south Indian (again not trying to stereotype), the Madras coffee is a delicacy and having born in the land from where it originates from I surely hold a lot of pride in being a coffee lover.

A lot can happen through coffee, and is surely true in a lot of cases so the point is coffee doesn’t change, it simply changes the people.

So words to take back: –

We may step into a million cafes and restaurant, but coffee made at home is always the best and there is nothing that can ever be compared to it. So this is my coffee story and my confessions are pretty clear I guess and I hope you like it.

Well, what is your Coffee Story?

P.S if you live in Chennai

Check out Old Madras Baking company for the perfect coffee..

Well it’s very close to my heart at least ❤️❤️

Happy Reading